Nostalgia

You know when you have that overwhelming feeling of nostalgia...you just can't put your finger on it and have no idea what has brought this feeling on? Well that's what I'm feeling today. I'm not sure if it's just one of those natural reminders, there for a reason or if something triggered it. I'm not one who likes to live in the past, for me the future is always full of endless possibilities, so I spend most of my time daydreaming of what will be..not what could have been. But today I'm going to simply allow myself to waller in this sad, melancholy feeling and have decided not to analyze it. Well, I think I've already analyzed it so I might as well share what I suppose has brought this all on. Time is just flying, I just need everyone to stop so I can catch up. I am feeling like the kids are growing up and will soon be gone, that the time I have with them is so limited right now..all the more precious. I feel forced to make every moment I spend with all of them a special moment, and it's just not happening. I don't want to look back and wonder why I didn't take them on more outings, more vacations, why we didn't have more game night. And I'm also dealing with the whole abandonment issue. Me abandoning the kids that is, not vice versa. I personally could handle them abandoning me. Taking the decision to move next year has not been an easy one, and I know there are going to be times when I all but fall apart. I know what. I'm prepared to deal with myself. But I can't prepare the children for that, not completely. Now in reality, I know I'm not really abandoning them, I'm simply expanding homebase to include another country. But I keep having these silly feelings and ideas that somehow I'm going to miss out on something. Hopefully it will be a few years before I become a grandma, but I imagine being a grandma from far away, only seeing my grandchildren on special occasions, and being the grandma that lives over the big pond. I don't want to be that... See what I mean? I'm nostalgic of the future too! I need to smack myself in the behind and pull myself together, enough of this nonsense.
On another note, I DID go blonde! I like it, still getting used to it, but when I woke up this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head as I couldn't quite remember why I thought going blonde was a good idea?? I could hide better behind my dark hair..I feel exposed as a blonde, as strange as that may sound.
I think this girl needs a little knitting therapy, I have a project I must complete in the next 2-3 days, so I'm going to put all my remaining energies into that this evening and give myself a little pep talk as well.