Apparently, I make it easy for others to judge me. I have some wonderfully supportive friends. Friends that tirelessly cheer me on, on a daily basis, who are incredibly excited for my change in life and bring much encouragement. But on the flip side, there are people who are judging me, harshly I might add. I'm an easy target.
My youngest son has decided not to move to Paris with me. This has been incredibly difficult to swallow. When we were making our plans to move Summer 2010 he was actually ok with the move and change. Now that I am looking to finalize plans, he has made a definitive decision. He has decided to live with his father. I'm not going to sit here and bash his father, as easy as he has made that for me the last 11 years, I'm just not going to do that. The children haven't had much of a relationship with their father. He shows up at events (school concerts and such) when his children are performing and there's good reason to be a proud parent. My youngest is an exceptionally mature independent 17 year old, it will be very easy to parent him. It's just difficult for me, each time I think about it something rips apart inside of me and I'm overcome with such sadness.
My daughter who is 18, is thinking of making the move with me, this is still under discussion...but I truly feel that whatever the final decision is, it will be the right one.
My oldest is completely independent at this time, working full time, starting classes this summer and living in an apartment.
But apparently, I am abandoning my children. I am selfishly abandoning my children. I'm leaving my children because now, suddenly, I don't care about my children and I'm wanting to start a new life without them. I don't have my priorities straight. How could I possibly turn my back and leave my children? This is what I have been hearing this week. The people saying these things to me feel they can speak for my children and have stated that my children are feeling this way as well. Really?? Am I so out of touch with my children that I just didn't know they were feeling this way? I need to think about that a little more.
My children have been living with the possibility of a move to France for years now. But because I have always put my children as my very first priority, I decided about 6 years ago, that moving to France would affect their relationship with their father, and didn't make the move. That was the ONLY reason we didn't move. I try not to look back and kick myself in the arse, but really?? I should have! I should have made the move at that time. But I'm not going to think about that.
I think I made it obvious who the judge and jury is in this situation. My ex and his wife (I call her "the wife"). I've also felt similar judgement (although not as harshly stated) from some family members. I must consider the source in this situation, but it's so hard. I want to yell back and attack and bring up all the past situations where his priorities were messed up, times when he selfishly spent money on his selfish endeavors and left me hanging with medical bills. Times when he didn't call or see the children for weeks and weeks. I allowed myself 24 hours to feel all the feelings this brought on. Now I need to respond intelligently to these attacks. Especially during times like these, I am so thankful for the wonderful man in my life. He is always the voice of reason in these types of difficult situations. He calms me, he makes me see reason, he grounds me, he commiserates in my sorrow and tears and then picks me right back up to face what I must face. There is NO DOUBT that after 10 years I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with this man. I am thankful that these situations are reminders.
As for my children and this situation, I've taken that overly optimistic approach once again, I am going to make it work. My family will make it through this and we will all be enriched from the opportunities this new adventure will bring.
And it IS an adventure! If the KIDS were all going off to adventures in far reaching places, no one would criticize anything. You are a strong woman, giving the kids a different type of opportunity, and that is the tough pill for those lame-ass critics to swallow. You aren't going to suddenly stop being a parent because you live elsewhere. In fact, to my way of thinking, you're being a superior parent to all of the kids by showing them what an adventurous woman seeking a fulfilling life looks like! Your life did not end when you gave birth, which seems to be what our culture demands. I think you are a great role model, not only to your fantastic kids, but to all those around you as well! xxx
ReplyDeletethank you, i needed some cheering on. it has been a discouraging week. i've been accused of abandoning my children, of not having my priorities set straight and have been laughed at for thinking that i was presenting a great opportunity for my son to come with me and experience something new. the hell with the lame-ass critics!!
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